“You've left me with such a silent world,
Where evenings are calm, but I'm restless
And my breath has become as thin as the wind.
Not even the mighty sky could fill the space you left behind
Not even when it rains.
No, nothing takes your place
Your emptiness too great to fill.”
Chapter 2: Retrospect
As Aerith stood in her tiny church in the slums, gazing at the sky, the rain that had been falling stopped and the clouds blew away to reveal the sun. It felt wrong to Aerith, who felt so torn inside, knowing that Zack was dead. She silently wished that she had told him she had loved him in one of her letters, even though she never knew if he received any of them. It would have made her feel better - at least she thought so - knowing that he may have known it. Or perhaps, just saying it after having kept it in for so long would make her heart hurt less.
“I love you...” she whispered, eyes brimming with unwanted tears again. No...it didn't make her feel any better. In fact, she was sure she felt worse now, having admitted the secret feelings out loud.
In retrospect, she realized that neither of them had ever really made their feelings clear out in the open. Of course, the feelings were all implied – just never spoken, never proven. Although Aerith knew that Zack thought her to be somewhat...well, lacking in subtlety in some things, she was never bold enough to just go out and say it to him. How silly that would have been, to tell him she loved him from the moment she met him!
'Still...how could I have resisted him?' she wondered, with his jet black hair falling over those sky blue eyes – and oh, how she had been flattered when he has asked her if she were an angel! She truly couldn't help but feel some sort of pull to him – it was apparent from the moment she met him. She had tried to play it cool, and just show him out the church doors...but as he was leaving, she had had to ask...
#
“Where are you going?”
“I'm not really sure...” he shrugged, flashing her a boyish smile. She struggled to keep standing as her knees grew a little weak. She scolded herself inwardly for being so weak to his charms, especially since she had just met him!
“I'll take you there,” she stated, then wondering what had possessed her to say that.
“Take me where?” He looked confused at her question, and Aerith's cheeks burned under his gaze.
“I'm not really sure...” she decided to steal his answer, feeling foolish and all at once exhilarated under his stare.
He laughed, “Admit it, you just want to be with me more!” She knew that he was only joking, but she could not deny wanting to be with him. She nodded simply, laughing inwardly at his expression.
“Wha-?” he spluttered, surprised at her honesty – or perhaps it was at her bluntness. She smiled to herself and walked out the church doors.
#
Aerith reflected back on the time at the market. He had been so patient with all of those people, even when they clearly didn't trust him. She could sense his frustration as the people pretended to help him, only to turn around and help the boy get away; but he didn't get mad, he just sighed and went to find help elsewhere. She had been impressed, even more so when he offered selflessly to buy the medicine for the boy when they had finally caught him.
She laughed to herself as she sat by the flowers in the church, remembering the dismayed look on Zack's face when the boy told him that he didn't have enough money. But Zack had just resolved to go out and get the wallet from the monsters who had eaten it.
'He was...no...he had been so brave.' her thoughts turned sad again as she realized once again that he was gone, and no amount of happy memories would bring him back. Tears welled up in her eyes once more, unbidden, and she brushed them away hurriedly. Crying over him wouldn't bring him back, either. She glanced over to the small, somewhat derelict flower wagon that he had built for her. Suddenly, she couldn't hold back the tears and they came pouring down over her cheeks; the floodgates were open, and there was no stopping the tears now. He had promised to build her a new one...but now she felt so selfish in his selflessness. Guilt consumed her, making her sob harder.
'It's a perfectly good wagon...and I had told him I didn't like it. Now, along with my bow, it's the only thing I have left from him...' Suddenly, she wasn't sure that she could continue to sell flowers from her wagon. It would only remind her of him. The planet was quiet; not even a whisper of comfort came from the earth. Without knowing what to do, she sat slumped next to her flowers, crying in eerie silence.
--
Light. The rain was gone, and all Zack could feel was warmth. He opened his eyes, squinting at the sudden brightness of everything. There was something in the distance, coming closer – but he wasn't afraid. Everything here felt...good. Nothing hurt anymore, and there were no more worries. Except...
'What about Aerith? Who will tell her what happened?' he thought, his sudden euphoria shattered. Who would explain to her why he had been gone for four years? He frowned, brows furrowed and lips tight. 'What about Cloud? Who will find him and get him help? He was about as lively as a sack of potatoes when I left him.'
All around him, his warm paradise was flickering in and out of focus; dark clouds were off in the distance, and the air smelled of rain and blood. Still, the object heading toward him got closer and closer, until it slid into focus.
“Angeal?” Zack groaned hoarsely; his body had the strange sensation of being in pain, and then being perfectly fine.
“What do you dream about?” Angeal replied, one eyebrow raised in a questioning, thoughtful look.
“Wha-?” Zack muttered, confused.
“To be a hero, you need to have dreams, and honor.”
“I have honor...I-I have my dreams!” Zack assured eagerly.
“Have all your dreams come true?” Angeal asked, a small smirk playing about his lips.
“...not all of them.”
“Then you aren't finished here.”
“But I'm so tired...” Zack whispered softly, the thought of having to do anything more making his body ache and burn, all his previous worries forgotten.
“You have things to finish. Then you can rest.” Angeal reassured Zack, patting his shoulder fondly. “All in due time.”
“Hey...” Zack looked up, a strange burst of energy flowing through his body, electrifying his nerves and making his appendages tingle. Angeal gave him another questioning look. “Would you say I'm a hero?”
“Hmm...almost...but not quite.” Angeal smiled, and then his figure began to fade, along with the warmth and the light. “See you again someday...” his voice faded, too, and then he was gone.
“Angeal!” Zack cried out, gasping as his body jerked and his eyes opened wide. 'Was it all a dream?' he thought slowly, gazing once more at the sky above him. Sunlight streamed through breaks in the clouds, and it took Zack a moment to realize that he was drenched. It had been raining after all. He sat up cautiously, aware of every muscle in his sore body crying out in protest. Around him, the soil was soaked with a mixture of rain and blood. 'My blood.' Alarmed, Zack looked down at his body, feeling along his chest for the bullet wounds. His sweater vest was torn to bits, blood already drying in large stains – but there were no bullet wounds. His flesh was hot to the touch, and his skin looked and felt new. There were no more wounds, no more mementos of battle. Almost without thought, he raised a hand to his cheek, feeling for the scar left there so long ago.
'It's still there...perhaps because I had no bullet wounds there...the skin only healed where I was shot.' The bigger question now was how he had been healed... “Angeal said...that I wasn't finished here. It wasn't my time. What do I have left to do?” he wondered aloud, his mind still unclear and foggy. Zack scratched his head as he tried to focus – but it was no use. Thoughts slipped through his mind, floating every which way, and no matter how hard he tried, he could not pin them down. It was like trying to find something in the dark.
He tried standing, but his body refused to comply, screaming out in protest; he promptly fell down, once again lying in the mud and blood. Unwillingly, his tired eyes closed heavily and his breathing deepened as he slipped into a deep sleep.
--
Aerith had fallen asleep on the hard wooden floor of the church, without meaning to. She had cried so long, that she had had no energy to pull herself up and drag herself back home. She opened her eyes, but didn't get up. She just stared at the yellow flowers in front of her, reaching up toward the sun that was let in through the hole in the ceiling. Seeing the flowers there, defying the odds and growing in the slums gave her a new resolve. She would keep selling the flowers...she would keep on living, too.
“I won't sell them in the wagon though,” she said sadly to herself. “A basket will have to do.” As for the wagon...it would just have to be put away, out of sight. She had been so absorbed in her thoughts, she was startled when she heard the planet.
-ger!
“Hmm?” Aerith blinked, sitting up slowly.
Danger! Trouble is coming your way soon...it explained, then continued, sounding more frantic. Trouble will come for you, and then we will be at risk...
“What? What's coming for me?” Aerith asked, trying to keep from sounding panicked. “Why will you be at risk?” she demanded. What could make the planet sound so agitated?
Danger! The planet repeated vaguely.
“From who? From what?” she questioned, leaning closer to the flowers, as though she would be able to make sense of the planet if she were closer to it.
He will help. He isn't finished here. He will get help, and they will save us. They will stop him...as soon as he remembers.
Aerith groaned in frustration; although she was used to the planet being so vague, never had she been so exasperated with it. In its apparent frenzy, it couldn't give her a straight answer! Suddenly, the church doors slammed open, and several people in black suits walked in. The one in the lead stopped a few feet away, watching her with somewhat sad brown eyes. But, just as quickly as she had seen it, the sadness disappeared to be replaced with a 'strictly business' look.
“Time to go, Aerith. The President wants to see you personally.” he informed her, holding out a hand. She just stared at his hand, dumbfounded. She knew him – that is to say, she had seen this man before. Not the president, of course. The man standing in front of her. He had followed her for years...she had given her letters for Zack to him.
“Tseng...” she said softly, her eyes welling up again at the thought of Zack. “Did he get any of them?” she asked softly, so the others behind him couldn't hear. Tseng's eyes turned sad once more, and he shook his head. He bent down on one knee so he could speak to her; he wanted to try and make her understand.
“We...the Turks that is...we tried to get to him first...but...” he trailed off uncertainly, unsure if he should continue – unsure if he could face her when he told her the truth. “Shinra got there first,” he finished lamely, looking away from her. She only nodded numbly, blinking back tears, as though she weren't surprised at all by the news.
“So he didn't read them...” she spoke more to herself than to him. Tseng frowned, standing up, and brushing dirt off his pants. Now was not the time to bring her to the President, even if he was desperate to get his hands on her. Tseng felt responsible for things; he had promised to get the letters to Zack and failed. In the end, though, he failed at saving his friend's life. For the moment, he couldn't give a damn about what Shinra wanted. He knew that he would have to do his job sooner or later...but for now, it would be the latter.
He turned and walked away from Aerith back to the group waiting patiently at the doors. “Let's go,” he told them calmly.
“But Tseng -” Rude started, stopping as Tseng raised his hand and cut him off.
“Let's go,” he said simply, glaring at Rude. “Now is not the time.” Rude shook his head, but kept his mouth shut, then turned and followed Reno and Cissnei out. Tseng turned and gave Aerith one last look. His eyes met hers, and he paused, giving her a long, penetrating stare. He couldn't say it out loud – it would cost him his job, possibly his life - but he hoped that she understood.
'Get away...' he thought, trying to convey the message through his eyes. 'Go somewhere far away, where we can't find you.'
Aerith watched as he turned to leave. She wished Zack were here to protect her.
--
'Angeal. Genesis. Sephiroth. All dead. Cissnei. Tseng. Enemies? Cloud. Aerith. Are they okay?' Zacks thoughts were jumbled as he slowly drifted back into consciousness. The pain in his body seemed to have lessened some, but he found he was still very stiff as he tried to stretch.
“Mmmrph!” he grumbled as he tested all his muscles. Fit as a fiddle! Kind of. The moon was high above him, stars twinkling in the vast, ink black sky. The night breeze was soothing in contrast to the sun that had beat down on his sleeping body earlier.
“So nice,” he spoke aloud, smiling. “Ha. Zack Fair, 1, Shinra, 0.” he shouted triumphantly, the realization that he had somehow cheated death dancing around in his mind. He forced his stiff muscles to work as he got up, swinging his arms to get his circulation going. Once he had his blood going again, he began to squat to warm up his legs, grunting in pain as he did so.
“No pain, no gain!” He pushed himself harder, determined to be ready to travel when he was done. Travel...where? He stopped in mid-squat, glancing around. Off in the distance, he could see a city, all lit up, and peaceful.
“Midgar.” That's where he was headed – of course. “Cloud!” Zack yelped, suddenly remembering his friend. He strapped his sword onto his back and began running, each step causing him to wince and grit his teeth. What did he expect though? To come back from the almost-dead and have no pain at all? Nothing was ever that easy. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw Cloud, sitting in the same spot he had left him. Apparently Shinra had been too weary from fighting him to look for Cloud.
“Hey buddy,” Zack grinned, pulling Cloud up by the arm and taking on his weight once more. “We're almost home. Apparently, I have some things to finish.” With that, Zack began to walk back to Midgar, bloodied sword on his back, best friend hanging limply at his side. It was good to have things back to normal.
--
“I have been holding my breath,
For too many nights in a row,
And somewhere on coastlines unknown to me
You paint your dreams,
With reds and blues and greens.
Yea you're painting daffodils growing by the sea,
Without me.
Last night I dreamt you were with me,
Finally I could breathe.”