KH Accidents

[Zerieth]

That is one scary baby. And that story with the principal was quite... disturbing.

Keep up the good work! =D

[Blade]

Yeah, this whole “one every week” business is freakin’ hard! So I’ll just try my best to get as much as I can every month. This one’s just a short short (yes, there are two ‘shorts’.) There will be one punctuation mistake, but it’s intended. Peace out!

2 Guys and 1,000 Sticks

“Hey, Pence!” Hayner called. “Hurry up with the ice-cream already.”
“What the hell do you think I’m trying to do?” Pence whined. “I’m carrying a thousand ice-cream sticks here! Why couldn’t we just eat it at the vendor?”
“I… That’s not the point. We just need this much, that’s all.”
“Uh, guys,” Olette said. “The ice-cream’s gonna melt. I don’t think we can go far.”
“What? Oh no, we have to eat it all now, guys,” Hayner said.
“Not me, I have to stay fit for the Women’s Struggle Tournament.”
“Fine. Pence, let’s do this!”
“Oh YEAH!!” Pence yelled out. He set down the bag and started chomping on the ice-cream. Hayner did the same, but he got a brain freeze after three.
“Aah! It hurts so much!”
“Don’t give up, we have 900 left.”
“What the f***, Pence? How did you...”
“Shut up and eat before it all melts!”
-----------------2 hours later------------------
Hayner and Pence were sitting on a couch in pain while Olette was getting something for their stomach-aches.
“Aw, my stomach,” Pence groaned. “I don’t fell so… Oogh.”
“Ha,” Hayner laughed, but he cringed in pain. “At least I was able to eat more than you.”
“Yeah,” Pence confirmed. “I can’t believe you actually did ‘that.’”
“Oh, yeah, I did it al- Hu-keh!” Hayner then started –

~Due to the extreme sickness of this, I can’t even describe it. I would show a video from a certain show, but I would be advertising and that is a no-no. Just pm to see what I mean. Or if you happen to know, good for you; watch it on the greatest video website. You guys should know what I’m talking about. If you don’t, too bad.~

When Olette came back, everything was blue. “What the heck? Hayner? Pence? Are you guys okay?”
“Olette…” Hayner’s voice came from somewhere. “Run, quickly. Before it’s too- Uegh!”
“Don’t tell me this is all…” Olette began.
“Oh yeah,” Pence’s voice came from above? “It’s our- Bugeh!”
Olette screamed and tried to run away, but slipped on the [hope you know what I mean] and swallowed some of it in. Then she started to…

[Answer Man]

lol i loved the skool one at the end. "i dont know man i dont know.." i loved them all, i really was laughing at them. nice, hope you make more.

[Destiny]

They're all looking great, I love them all. The principle one reminds me of a forward text message image I got before, lol

[Blade]

This is why you never wait for the last day to buy school supplies, especially if you go into a mall with a girlfriend. If you want to, you guys can look for titles with “special” acronyms and/or initials in this chapter. Hint: there’s only two.

Chapter 2: Periodic Shopping

Sora woke up feeling refreshed and energetic. He jumped out of his pajamas and into his clothes then went to the kitchen where his family was. “Hello, family!” he greeted happily. “How’s everyone doing?” Baby Sora suddenly started wailing.
“Shut up, Soras!” their mom yelled at both her children. Sora did, but his sister just continued crying. “Here’s your breakfast, you little-”
“Relax, honey,” her husband said. “Son, I need to talk to you in the other room.”
“O-okay,” Sora said shakily. He followed his dad to the living room. Then his dad closed the door.
“Your mom loves you both very much. But she’s a little edgy because of the shopping we’ll have to do for you. But…” he trailed off.
“But what?” Sora asked. “And besides, I thought girls love shopping.”
“They do, but only when it’s for them.”
“Oh, okay. So why’d she explode like that?”
“Well, you see, your mother, she… uh… it’s that time of the month. And, strangely, your sister’s too.”
“They’re pregnant!?”
“No. What? No! Sora, they are not pregnant. Man, I should’ve told you about this long ago. You see, women in their teens until when they’re old and wrinkly have this problem every month. It’s called their period and they…” So Sora’s dad continued telling his son about it. “And that’s why your mom and sister are so angry right now.”
“ So, Kairi gets it too?”
“Yes.”
“And Riku?”
“No, just girls.”
“I know.”
“…O~kay then. Well, it’s time for you to go shopping for school supplies. Riku and Kairi will meet you at the beach.”
“Alright. Later, Dad!” Sora got up and went outside to meet his friends. But the mainland was much bigger than the island he lived on before. He thought he saw Kairi and asked her, but it was a girl whose back of the head was similar; her face had freckles and deep purple eyes.
She punched Sora in the face and yelled, “How dare you compare me to that!” then ran away.
“Ow,” Sora grunted. “What is up with the girls today?” He continued searching until he finally found his short-lost friends. “Hey guys! Ready to go?”
Kairi suddenly got enraged and yelled, “Dang it, Sora! You’re a minute late. Everyone else will get the good stuff before you guys do.”
“Um, I don’t really care what I get. And wha-“
“Don’t talk back to me! Let’s just go before you do something stupid again.”
Sora was left speechless. He looked at Riku. “It’s her monthly gift,” he said.
“Really? Wow, my mom and sister is having theirs today too.”
“Your baby sister? That’s not… WTF? Ah well. Anyway, Kairi is in a bad mood so we should just do as she says.”
“Wait, did you just say, ‘WTF’?”
“Yeah, it means, ‘What the f-‘”
“I know that! But why did you say it in letters?”
“Because-”
“Hurry up, you weenies!” Kairi shouted. “I don’t have all day to take care of you monkeys!” The trio went to the Destiny Island Centre Kingdom where the mall was. It was packed with students and teachers. “Dammit, guys! Now look at what you did. It’s going to be impossible for us to get stuff now.”
As they shoved through the crowd, they heard lots of girls yelling and ordering boys what to do. “Carry my bags!” “You’re too slow!” “Rub my feet as you carry me and my bags out of here! I love you honey.”
Then a voice Sora recognized from earlier blasted through to their group, “Kairi, you witch! Give me my science book back.” It was Kairi’s-back-head-look-alike-but-with-purple-eyes girl that punched him in the face earlier.
Kairi retaliated with, “I already gave you the money, Rika! It’s your damn fault for wasting it on paopu seeds.”
Then several other girls screamed, “Shut up, you two! We’re trying to shop here.” “Alex, go shut those girls up for me; they’re annoying.” “Don’t talk back to me!” (Guess who that was.) “Careful! You almost scratched my purse.” Some were directed Kairi and Rika; some were other conversations that had to be shouted because it got so loud.
Sora and Riku had sneaked away from Kairi to shops and bought the items on the list. They spent the extra money they had in the arcades and an action movie. The theater was filled with guys that had also sneaked away from the moody girls. The two keyblade masters sat next to Tidus and Wakka. “What are you guys here for?” Riku asked.
“Selphie’s having a bitch-fit with her period,” Tidus answered. “Luckily, all the girls started arguing and didn’t notice all of us sneak away. Can you believe that all the girls are in perfect sync?”
“Really? Wow, that’s scary.”
“Hey, guys,” Wakka interrupted. “Movie’s starting. Wanna hot dog, ya? We got extras in case you guys showed up.”
“Hey, thanks. Here, Sora.”
When the movie ended, all the guys reluctantly streamed out of the theater. When the four island buddies came out, they were met with a mass of sobbing girls. There was a circle where Kairi and Rika were the only ones in it hugging each other.
“I’m so sorry for not returning your book,” Kairi said. “I’ll give it back to you when school starts.”
“It’s okay, Kairi,” Rika replied. “You were right; it was my fault for spending the money you gave me. You can keep it.”
A girl looked back and saw the group of boys and yelled, “Where have you been?” And all hell was set loose. Immediately, every single girl turned their heads. Then they all exactly shrieked the same sentence, “Where were you, you heartless sons of bitches!”
“Oh no they didn’t,” Riku said. “Don’t call my mom that, you fat cows!” All the girls gasped and were shocked at the resistance.
“Riku,” Sora said. “You’re going to get killed.”
“I know, Sora. Listen, get the guys out of here; I’ll try my best to keep them at bay.”
“You planned this?”
All the girls came back to their senses and looked directly at Riku. Every man could see their pupils get smaller as they targeted their prey.
“Yes, now go! I’ll catch up with you later.” Riku started running away and the girls chased him
“O-okay. Come on guys, let’s get out of here alive.” Sora led the others the other way where the exit was, but Riku was all scratched up.
“Close the door, Sora! I can’t make it out.”
“No, Riku! You can still make it.”
“Yeah, but we won’t be able to close the door in time. It’s now or never.”
“Alright.” Sora started closing the door, but it wouldn’t a budge.
A voice came out from the mall speakers. “You won’t get away, you pricks,” a woman’s voice said. “I control the doors. Even if you close it, you won’t be able to lock it. Bwahahaha!”
“We’ll see about that,” Riku muttered. He slammed the door shut and continued pushing to keep it closed. “Sora, lock it with your keyblade!”
“I won’t forget you, Riku,” Sora said. He hopped back and did his whole ritual of locking things with his keyblade. Through the glass pane, Sora watched Riku’s demise; Kairi jumped out of nowhere from the crowd and tackled Riku from behind. Then the rest of the girls piled on top of him. As Sora looked closer, he saw Riku smile and get a nosebleed. “Hey, wait a minute. Riku’s getting squished between the girls!”
“You’re right!” a guy said. “All he’s getting are the soft girl skins! He’s not getting hurt at all.”
Riku flipped them off and yelled out, “Losers!”
“No! Kairi’s in there,” Sora yelled. “Don’t you dare do anything to her, Riku.”
“Oh, I won’t. But she might do something to me.”
“Hell yeah, I’m gonna do something to you,” Kairi said. “Girls, Plan 43.”
All the guys fell backwards. “No, not 43,” Tidus said.
“Huh? What’s Plan 43?” Sora and Riku asked.
“Riku, you dug your own grave, ya you did,” Wakka said. “It’s the most hideous action that the girls in school created while you two were gone.”
“It can’t be that bad,” Riku scoffed.
“You have no idea.”
Riku was pulled into the center of the female mass. After a few seconds, he started screaming, “No! Not there! Holy crap, I can’t believe that hurts. Aaah! That place existed?”
“What’s happening in there?” Sora asked. He wanted Riku to be punished, but the way he screamed was too much. Tidus whispered something to Sora. “What!? A finger?”

[Blade]

Back to basics!

Glide Accident

“Hey, Sora?” Riku asked. The two friends were sitting on top of the mountain on Destiny Island talking about their travels before Sora woke up. “I remember that when we were fighting in Hollow Bastion, you could glide a bit. When did you get that ability?”
“A little bit after you unleashed my shadow against me when we were in Neverland,” Sora replied. “I got it by Tinkerbell’s dust.”
“Nice. Say, you can summon that fairy, right?”
“Yeah. What about it?”
“Maybe you could summon her and give me some fairy dust?”
“Oh, sure. Just wait a sec’?” Sora pointed his keyblade nonchalantly and summoned Tinkerbell, but she was shot out of the weapon. The sudden change in speed confused her and she fell down towards the beach and got stuck head first. “Uh oh. Um, that’s normal. Let’s just get her and the dust for you.”
They both hopped down and landed softly into the ground due to their pants’ balloon-like structure. Riku felt something under his foot and looked. He saw a small leg and pulled out Tinkerbell, but immediately dropped her.
“What’s wrong?” Sora asked.
“I think… I think she’s dead.”
“You think she’s what? Lemme look at her!” Sora held the limp pixie in his hand and examined her. The glow was gone, she was pale, and – the most important detail – her head was turned one-eighty degrees. “Erm, I think it’s your fault since you stepped on her.”
“What? No! You’re the one who shot her out like a cannonball.”
“But- but… Hey, look! The pixie dust is still coming out. We can still use her to make you fly.”
“You’re sick, Sora, you know that?”
“Who cares? You can fly now!”
“A-alright. But what are we going to do about-”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Bu-”
“I said, ‘Don’t worry about it.’”
“Okay, geez. Just put that dust on me quickly.” Sora shook Tinkerbell and made the dust fall on Riku. Then he made Tinkerbell disappear back to Neverland.
“I hope they don’t find out,” Sora said.
----------------------------------------------Neverland
“C-captain!” Mr. Smee called. “The Tinker-bell came back. She’s all broken up, though.”
“What!?” Hook yelled. “How did they find out?”
“I don’t know, captain. But they used ‘it’ all up, though.”
“Eh? Then that’s good. ‘It’ will surely give them a surprise. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
“Brahaha!”
“Shut up, Smee.”
“Teeheehee! ‘It’ should happen right about… NOW!”
----------------------------------- 5 seconds earlier, Destiny Islands
“Alright, Riku. Believe you can fly,” Sora urged.
“I believe I can fly!” Riku shouted before he exploded high into the air.
“Ah! Riku, how come you can go that fast?” Sora asked.
”Heeeeelp meeeeee!” Riku yelled from afar.
“What? Can’t hear ya! Riku?”
------------------------------------------Later that night
“Hey, Sora,” his dad called. “Your friend Riku is on TV!”
“Really? Lemme see!” Sora yelled.
”Tonight’s top story: Riku ,a naked, white-haired male around the age of seventeen, crashed into the high school’s field during Blitzball. He was severely burned, and it didn’t help that one of the players hit the wrong ball.
On a happier note, paopu fruits have officially been declared as non-drugs.”
"Finally, I can open up my stash of paopu fruits now," Sora said happily.

[Zerieth]

OW! Poor Riku, that musta hurt.

[G.SummonerBWM]

You deserve a rep for making the funniest traditional story on KHP!!

[Answer Man]

lOL i loved that one. Man you could make little comics out of this stuff. Keep up the work dude. Love these

[Blade]

Inspired by a comic panel I found somewhere – I think it was in this forum – and Keyblade Master Roxas’s stories.
WARNING: Will contain some gross, sexual content at the end.

Dissidia Encounters

“Hey, Cloud!” a blue-eyed, brown-haired boy greeted. “It’s great to see you again!”
Cloud didn’t notice him and kept on walking towards an inn. He was getting close to Sephiroth. A good night’s-
“Cloud,” the boy continued. “It’s me, Sora!”
-sleep would certainly help him on his quest. The others were also supposed-
“Hey, Cloud! Where’re ya going?”
The former SOLDIER had had enough. He pulled out his blade and lashed at the pest. To his surprise, it was blocked by an oversized key.
“What’s the deal, Cloud?” the boy asked. “Don’t you remember me? You know, Hollow Bastion and the Olympic Colloseum?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied. “Now leave me alone; I have some work to do.”
“Aw, what’s wrong, big guy,” the key-warrior continued. “Is it about Sephiroth?”
This caught Cloud’s attention. “You know Sephiroth?” He grabbed the kid. “Where is he?”
“I thought you knew. After all, you fought him last time. You know, you’re acting weird. It’s like you don’t know me at all.”
“I don’t. Now go away.” Cloud resumed his traveling and finally arrived at the inn, although the boy still stuck to him. He entered the building and found his allies: Tidus, Squall, and Yuffie.
“Wow!” the boy yelled. “You guys are here too? And Tidus! You look older than me.”
“Who’s the pipsqueak?” Yuffie asked. “I’m not going to babysit that kid.”
“Hey, I’m as old as you!” Sora argued.
“He’s some kid that kept on following me,” Cloud answered. “Maybe you guys can get rid of him for me.”
“Don’t be like that, Cloud,” Tidus answered. “Obviously, he idolizes us.”
“No, really. I need someone’s help to get rid of him. Check it out.” Cloud swung his sword at the boy again and the same result repeated.
Squall gave a whistle that signaled his surprise. “Maybe we could use him as an ally.”
Yuffie argued. “No way! I’m not fighting with this shorty.” Sora suddenly walked up to her and compared their heights. He was taller than her. “Ah! I’m gonna beat you up!” Before she could draw out her shuriken, though, a loud explosion boomed in the air outside. “What was that?”
The five went outside and encountered a huge winged monster and Sephiroth. “It’s Chaos!” Yuffie, Tidus, and Leon exclaimed. Cloud yelled, “Sephiroth!” Sora ran over and greeted Sephiroth with a friendly smile. The One-Winged Angel did the same, and Chaos even patted his head.
“That kid’s with the baddies!” Yuffie pointed out.
“Oh, really, Yuffie? I thought that Chaos and Sephiroth were good guys,” Tidus said sarcastically.
“They are,” Sora yelled in a distance. “They just told me that they had jobs here.”
“Yeah, right,” Squall said. “Let’s bring them down!”
They started to go but a large group of people ran them over. The girls were screaming and cheering for the two villains; the men were roaring with excitement; the little kids were praising the evil duo. “We love you, Sephi! Bring on the Chaos! Who’s the cute kid?”
“Everyone, I would like to introduce to you the newest member of our group, Sora. Now who’s ready to ROCK!” Everyone, except the heroes, screamed in excitement. “One, two, three!”

YouTube - Cannibal Corpse - Hammer Smashed Face (Radio Disney Version)

The fans screamed and stuck their middle fingers up – except the kids who had no idea what it meant. Chaos beat his chest like drums; Sephiroth stuck his sword to the ground and hovered at the hilt to sing while whipping his hair; Sora was using his keyblade as a guitar.
“Ugh, what the hell is this?” Squall grumbled.
“I don’t know, but I prefer fighting them than listening to this crap,” Cloud agreed. “Hey, Yuffie. Throw your shuriken at them. Hey, what are you doing?”
Yuffie joined the fans and yelled, “I love you, Sephiroth!”
“Yuffie, what’s gotten into you?” Cloud grabbed her and looked into her eyes. They seemed cloudy and there was even an image of Sephiroth in them. “Oh no. It’s a spell. Leon, Tidus, it’s trap!”
“We kind of got the idea already,” the two answered.
“Then, what do we do?”
“I think we should kill them now,” Tidus suggested. “If we go attack them one at a time, it should be cake.”
“Let’s get the kid first,” Squall started.
The three heroes jumped over the crowd towards the evil duo –possibly trio. But a few people grabbed their legs and pulled them down. “No way will you get to them!” “We’ll kill you all!” “I, the great ninja Yuffie, will punish you for your evil acts against Sexy Sephi!”
“No, Yuffie, snap out of it,” Cloud said. “It’s a spell. I know you can!”
“Tsk, tsk,” Sephiroth tsked*. “You have ruined our concert, and for that you must pay. Sora, get Tidus; Chaos you can have Squall; I have personal issues with Cloud.”
Sora bashed Tidus in the head - Cloud noticed that his eyes were the same as the fans. Chaos ripped Squall apart. “You!” Cloud yelled at his nemesis. “I’ll get you for this!”
“This is my revenge, retard,” Sephiroth said stoically. Then he cut off Cloud’s head.
--------------------------------------------
Cloud woke up, sweating. “Oh man. What the hell was that? And why was Sora evil?”
“Something wrong, Cloud?” a familiar voice asked. It came from next to him; he slept with somebody.
“Er, no. Tifa?”
“No, Cloud.” A slender hand grabbed Cloud’s shoulder to get up. A flowing, white hair covered the face of a naked male body. He whipped it and said, “It’s me, Sephiroth.” He walked two fingers across Cloud’s chest.
“Aaaaahhhhh-“
-------------------------------------------
“-aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!” Sora woke up suddenly. “Oh my god, what was I dreaming!”
Kairi woke up next to him. “The heck was that about, Sora?”
“Just a nightmare. A really weird one.” It was their first time sleeping together, since his room was somehow burned down. The only evidence was a pacifier, but his sister was at the daycare.
“You’re still having them?” a shirtless Riku asked. “Geez, you’re just a kid.”
“At least I don’t wet the bed,” Sora countered. Then he noticed something. “Riku! Why are you here?” Then he felt something wet. “Aw, hell no!”
Kairi jumped out and turned on the lights. Sora just dived and rolled out the door. The white bed sheets were wet, but they weren’t yellow. “What the heck?” Kairi wondered. “What kind of urine isn’t…” She fainted. Riku, looking out the window, saw Sora diving into the ocean.
“Haven’t they heard of albino urine?” Riku pondered.

*Tsked. Is there another word for that?